That’s why they say you’re “high”-ered…

Applying for new jobs has far too many similarities to drug addiction, to me:

• I started off pretty slow… Picking through listings and only going for the ones that sounded like my perfectly ideal job. But as the addiction grew, I began to need more and more to feel satisfied with myself.
• It offers a temporary high. I’ll admit that filling in the same old work history and reference contact info is a pain, but I doubt heroin addicts much enjoy the actual needle stick, either. But once I’ve submitted the application, I get a brief sense of hope. I keep going back for that hopeful feeling.
• I’m forever telling myself, “This will be the last one I’ll have to do.” I want so badly to quit.
• But, so far at least, it’s never been the last time. I’ve always needed more. After a few hours– or even a few days of hopeful, patient waiting for any sign of contact from a recruiter– the high wears off. And then the rejection hits, and I’m right back to where I was… Or feeling even worse off.

I came to these conclusions today, at the end of a week that’s been utterly depressing for me. I’m bored, lonely, and restless at home. After a day of feeling especially down in the dumps, I found myself online applying to two more jobs to bring my total for the past two days into the double digits. The “high” isn’t as high anymore, because I’ve all but stopped letting myself get too hopeful about any of these positions. I’ve stopped being selective about what I apply for, too; I have applications out at hospitals and rehab clinics, for pediatrics and for adult medicine, down the road and 1,000 miles away. I’ve posted my resume on so many websites that I’m surprised my name’s not trending on Twitter (yet.). I’ll go almost anywhere and do almost anything to simply be a nurse.

I hope one day (maybe even sometime in the not-so-distant future) I can look back on these angst-ridden, frustrated posts and say how all this paid off in finding a great job at a great hospital where I’m learning a lot and loving life. In the meantime, though… Guess I’ll go get another fix.  ; )